Writing can be therapeutic for those who choose to share their personal stories. It can help to process and make sense of difficult life experiences, as well as provide a creative outlet for emotions that might otherwise feel overwhelming. In some cases, writing can even help to resolve longstanding conflict or grief. For Breakup Coach Tiffany Smith, the act of putting words to paper became immensely healing, providing a sense of release and catharsis for her. It also helped shape the support she is able to provide to women who are going through a divorce or breakup.
Raised in New Jersey, Smith has always been a very keen writer. In her journey, she took pleasure in helping the community around her. Attending Lincoln University, a Historically Black College & University, she harnessed her interest in writing and community service. After college, Smith stepped out into the world with her enriching aura looking for eyes that needed her help. The universe responded to her search when she went through a divorce. Smith experienced the tribulations of a breakup and found herself coiling back to unkempt decisions. Her experience through it opened a whole new perspective for her, eventually becoming a Breakup Coach.
During a brief interview, Smith shared her experience writing the book, including the coming up with the cover. Her inspiration is one that will continue to have a positive effect on the women she supports.
What was the journey like writing your book?
Writing this book felt amazing. I feel as though every time I tell my story, I feel even lighter on my feet than I did before. Reaffirming and reiterating my healing journey with the sole purpose of helping other women on their journey made me so excited to wake up every day and start writing. By writing out my experiences, I could see many areas where I went wrong. For example, when I jumped back into dating long before I had healed my relationship with myself and developed self-love. Going back through the areas where I could have done better reaffirmed my purpose to help others fall in love with themselves.
Tell us about the process for coming up with the cover.
The process of creating the cover was very organic. I wanted something that would be visually appealing and represent the content of the book. But I also wanted to ensure that the cover conveyed the message that readers can overcome any obstacle, including divorce. That’s why I decided to go with something that felt like a PSA, a “wake-up call.” In my opinion, there’s A LOT of noise out there. With social media, constant scrolling, and other media, we tend to passively absorb information without consciously processing what’s going on. With the bright colors and bold font, I wanted to make sure my cover wasn’t something you could easily miss. I want my readers to KNOW their worth and to be able to heal from their wounds. That all starts with picking up the book in the first place.
Can you share something about the book that isn’t in the blurb?
Sure! One thing I can share with women that aren’t in the blurb is that our brains are really interesting organs. They do a lot to keep us safe. They take what’s “predictable” and “common” and rewire it as “normal” in our consciousnesses. That’s why it can be SO hard to leave a toxic situation. Our brains WILL find a way to try and talk us out of it. To play the little devil on the shoulder telling you all the reasons why you should stay. Why is it all in your head? Why isn’t it that bad? Of course, this isn’t our brains’ fault. They’ve evolved to work this way. Many women believe that deciding to leave a relationship or marriage is like flipping a switch. That when you know, you know. But as you’ll learn from my book, that isn’t true at all. Sometimes, it’s a small gut feeling that grows—a small but pervasive sense of unhappiness. I talk about this a lot in my book, and from my work with women, I know a lot of women can relate.
What is the most difficult part about writing for you?
Honestly, the most difficult part about writing this book was how to put something so complex and personal as feelings and relationship dynamics into words. There are certain things that work well in written format. Poems, histories, adventures, stories. But the journey of experiencing a toxic relationship, battling for years about leaving a marriage, finding the courage and acceptance within myself to leave the situation, and then even more years of second-guessing and pain… how do you condense something like that into words? It was challenging to find the common threads in my story to make it personal and relatable. So that while other women aren’t in my exact shoes, they still can learn something from my journey. They can know they’re not alone. And hopefully, they can also learn what’s possible for them if they begin the healing work.
How can people connect with you, your business, find your book, etc.?
The best way to connect with me is to find me on Instagram @daretobyou or book a call with me through my website at www.daretobyou.com. You can purchase “I Understand Why You Would Want Me But Why Would I Want You?” on Amazon and Barnesandnoble.com